3 Things Boys Must Know About Sexuality: Part 1.
By Aaron Buer
God Invented Sex
Most parents are terrified to talk to their boys about sex. Some don’t even try. Those who do try often have one extremely awkward conversation about the mechanics of sex and then consider the job done.
In this over-sexed culture our kids need multiple conversations and they need far more than just the mechanics. The good news is that research shows that boys would still rather learn about sex from their parents than anywhere else, including friends. In other words, if you’re a parent, he’s waiting for you to speak up!
Over the next three blogs, I’ll like to share a bit of how I talk to boys in our student ministry about sex and how I plan to talk to my sons. I hope you find it helpful.
- The Best Idea Ever
God invented sex. No, for real. At some point God called his angels around and said, “I just had an idea. A really good idea. No Gabriel, way better than volcanos.” OK, I know that’s not how God actually works, but God did invent sex. It was His idea and it was an awesome idea—probably the awesomest idea ever.
I grew up in extra conservative churches. We took our fundamentalism pretty seriously. Growing up, all I ever heard about sex was that you shouldn’t do it before marriage and if you did you were basically a horrible person. And what about sex after marriage? Well, I guess that is OK but you better not ever talk about it you sicko.
One day I had the realization that God invented sex and it existed before sin and I’m pretty sure Adam and Eve were having a pretty amazing time before they ate the fruit.
- Better than Rainbows
Growing up I always felt dirty for being enamored with women. Because sex was such a taboo subject, I always felt like I was sinning because I was captivated by the feminine body. But here’s the thing: God created guys to be enamored with the feminine body. God created Eve to dazzle Adam. He was absolutely blown away.
The female body is the like the pinnacle of creation. From a guy’s perspective, who cares about mountains, waterfalls, rainbows and shooting stars? None of these things compare to the female body. Nothing else captivates our attention like a woman.
I say all this to make one point: sex is good. It is a beautiful thing. It is incredibly fun and unimaginably meaningful. And don’t think that you are gross and dirty for feeling incredibly captivated by the female body. You were designed to feel that way.
- Playing with Fire
And yet, sex is incredibly dangerous. Why? Because it is the most powerful experience that a guy can have. According to the book of Genesis, God gave sex to Adam and Eve as an experience to join them forever. God said that the two of them would become one. Later, in the ancient/awkward way that the Bible talks about sex, the author of Genesis says that Adam “knew” his wife. Wait what? But there is significance in that word. Sex is the highest form of knowing. It is incredibly intimate. It is the mingling of souls. It is an irreversible act that joins two people together. If you have sex with someone, you will never forget the experience. It is burned in your mind and part of who you are is irreversibly lost to that person.
That’s why sex belongs in marriage. God gave us this incredibly awesome gift and created boundaries around it so that we wouldn’t hurt ourselves with it. And yet, our culture has become completely unmoored from God’s design for sex. We are blitzed with messages that sex is fun and harmless—do it with whoever you want as if there will be no repercussions.
But the truth is that guys get burned by sex. Men experience profound and lasting pain from misusing sex. As a pastor I’ve talked with so many guys who have deep regrets about misusing sex. But in the hundreds of conversations I’ve had with people, I have never once heard of anyone ever regretting saving sex for marriage. Not one person.
- Aim for the Best Sex Ever
So, if you want to experience sex at its best—the way it was designed to be experienced, wait. Set up boundaries and exercise discipline. Even though it’s normal for you to be enamored with the female body, choose to look somewhere else. “Hey look at that rock.” Even though everyone around you is rushing to experience sex as soon as possible, go against the flow. Be a rebel.
God has an incredible gift waiting for you. It’s a woman who will blow your mind on your wedding night…and on a lot of nights after that. Some guys are still unwilling to settle for anything else than God’s best. My hope for you is that you would rebel and be one of the few who waits.
Aaron Buer is a student pastor for 10 years and currently serve as the senior high pastor at Ada Bible Church in Grand Rapids, MI. He is the blog/author of
